Dadless Podcast Group

DPG. Clips - This Can't Be Happening! w/ Jose the Dad

• The Dadless Podcast Group

Share episode

Send us a text

Have you ever found yourself in a tight spot where you're desperate for a restroom, and the world seems to conspire against you? Buckle up as we share our tales of 'crappy' situations. Join us as we recount equally dire stories involving trips home where the quest for a restroom turns into comical monologues and pleas. You will want to watch this episode!

Have you experienced a moment where all you can do is stop and think, "This can't be happening!" Do you care to share your story? Let us know in an email or DM; we’d love to hear about it, and we’ll even mention your accounts in a follow-up episode! 

Special Thanks -

 Airport Lounge by Kevin MacLeod | https://incompetech.com/
Music promoted by https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons CC BY 3.0
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Lobby Time by Kevin MacLeod | https://incompetech.com/
Music promoted by https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Additional Effects By - https://mixkit.co/

[ Disclaimer: The Dadless Podcast Group and subsidiaries do not reserve the rights to specific audio clips featured in this broadcast. Allowance is meant for criticism, comment, and research examples. All rights and credit go directly to their rightful owners.] 


Thank you for the support! Rate, review, subscribe; tell a friend and tune in!

Follow the Link for More!
https://linktr.ee/dpg_nerds

Speaker 1:

After driving back from Lake Tahoe, we stopped straight at Target and we made some pit stops. We stopped at Apple Hill. So from the time I had my breakfast my rather large breakfast to the time I get to Target, it's probably about 12 hours and I've been sitting on having to take a shit for probably a good six hours or so and I'm in Target and I want to go home.

Speaker 2:

But I also want to take a shit.

Speaker 1:

I need to take a shit. And we just got there. So I'm like, hey, I need to take a shit and I left my phone in the car, so now I'm going to have to take a no phone shit, damn Right there. I'm thinking this can't be happening. But then I get into the bathroom at Target and both stalls are gross, full disclaimer. I take the handicap one, let's face it, they're nicer than room here. So I get in there and then another gentleman walks in and I'm like this can't be happening, leave me alone. I can't, I can't share with this thing. You got gun shy, you got gun shy, very gun shy. So then you know what I'm like. Is he going to sit down and take a shit or what? Because I got a time, that's right. I have to be able to walk out after he's gone or before he gets out of the stall. I'm not making awkward small talk. So I take a piss. I call it good at that. I squeeze the cheeks. I think this can't be happening. What I rushed through is his target trip.

Speaker 2:

Back in 2012, right before my very first car finally like no pun intended finally took a shit. I took it to a shop that was 20 minutes away from where I live. I took my car, I had it towed and I'm like bon bon, get back in my mom's car and I start driving home. I'm on the back roads. I knew I had to take a shit If finally hit me. I was like I need to make it home. I'm 20 minutes away from my house. Please, oh God, please, no.

Speaker 2:

And it was getting worse, like just by the minute, being on the road, and I'm screaming at this point, trying to like offset the pain in my stomach and the pain building in my asshole, because I want to make it home so that I could shit, dude, and it's just not working and I'm yelling, I'm like screaming like a fucking monster, like you get a picture of a guy just driving by you like 80 miles an hour and you just hear like ahhhh, and I'm trying to fucking make it home, dude. And I'm literally like 10 minutes from my house now, but I cannot hold it, dude, like it's ready to rip out of my fucking body. And for people that are aware, that are familiar with the area. We have a sports park. It's called the Sports Park. It's out in Patterson. It's a park that sits at the edge of town, separating you from, like, the freeway, and I'm like, please, god, forgive me for my fucking sins.

Speaker 2:

I had a pullover. Damn near almost it didn't turn off my mom's fucking truck, dude, and I ran into the fucking into this Godforsaken, desolate fucking park. I made sure no one was there. There were no fucking cars, other than a guy that was like walking his dog. I'm running into this restroom. I know it's gonna be bad. I'm anticipating the worst. I get into the saws terrible, there's a fucking dead body in there.

Speaker 1:

Jesus.

Speaker 2:

Christ I. I proceeded to just hover my fucking ass over the toilet and I'm like, let the shit fall where it may. I couldn't get a hold of the toilet paper. No, I had to do the old reach under, the old reach around to the stall next to me while still, you know, bowing my legs so that shit, like, doesn't fall anywhere else. I happened to reach under and I grabbed some of the toilet paper. I was able to wipe my ass Minimal damage. But that was also my this can't be happening story, because I was out in the middle of fucking nowhere. If not this fucking park, it would have been just in the middle of a field and an orchard. I would have just shit my ass, wipe my ass with my boxers, left them there for the field workers to get.

Speaker 2:

Right home commando and fucking ride off into the sunset. But luckily I made it to this Godforsaken fucking place. I was able to void my bowels and just went home and I never spoke about it again until now and that was it.